Prayers for My Babies

I am a night owl. Most nights I am always the last one to fall asleep in our home. One of my favorite things to do before turning in for the night is to go in and check on my sleeping boys. I cover them back up if they have kicked off their blankets, kiss their foreheads, say a prayer for them....and sometimes I just stand there with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face at one of the most beautiful sights - a peacefully sleeping child. I don't ever want to forget the thoughts that go through my mind as I stare down at them, so I am recording them here.

My sweet baby boys....I don't think you can ever know how much I love you. My heart actually physically hurts with love for you. Someday you may understand when you become a parent yourself. But for now you are so innocent. I look at your chests slowly rising and falling in your sleep and think about the miracle of life. How the intricacies of the human body all work together so that we may live. I never paid much thought to that before you each grew inside of me and I experienced the miracle of human life and birth. When I stare at the two of you and remember feeling those precious first movements inside of me, I don't understand how anyone could ever question the existence of God.

Sometimes its hard for me to ever imagine either of you grown up, because that would make me....well, older. But it will obviously happen. Someday I will be tucking in tall teenage boys(and hopefully it doesn't freak you out if you wake up and happen to see me standing there crying). When I think of you each getting older I think about how you will be hurt at times. You will face challenges. I will want to run out into the big bad world and protect you from everything but I know I can't do that. Some things we have to experience and learn from on our own. Sweeties, I hope you always know you can come to me no matter what is going on in your life.

But I don't want to get ahead of myself with worry. I want to enjoy each stage. As we walk though life what seems mundane in the present becomes treasured in the past. Our day to day life while you are each young and I am privileged enough to be home with you is so special to me. That chunk of dry wall you took out of the wall the other day Carsten - don't worry about it baby boy because a house isn't a home until its been lived in. And real life with a little boy sometimes involves flying toys. Or sometimes its silly putty being mushed onto Mommy's favorite blanket. Or changing your outfit 34 times in a day because God blessed us with a very spit-up prone baby. Its okay Roycey. I'll change your clothes and do as much laundry as it takes. I just thank God you are healthy and that is the worst of your problems.

I pray about your spiritual life and how God will use your lives if you allow him to. Daddy and I will do our best to raise you, but at some point you will have to choose for yourself what path you will take and what you believe. There may be seasons of your life where you aren't close to God. I hope and pray it doesn't happen because Mommy and Daddy each had those seasons and we have come to realize it is always better to walk with Him. I pray for who will be a part of your life as you grow in school and other activities. I pray for your future relationships and the women you will marry.

And some nights I just pray you have sweet dreams. I watch you smile in your sleep. You each may be a mini-me of your father, but when you smile I can see myself in both of your eyes and the way they get very small. As the saying goes you are each a part of my heart walking around outside of my body. There will be no changing that no matter what age you are.

So I cover you...
I lay my hand on your chest...
I feel you breathe..
I wipe away my tears...
And kiss my precious babies goodnight.